Held to a higher standard

As a christian woman, I am held to a higher standard, as an Army wife and mom, I am held to a higher standard.  My kids as soldiers in the US Army are held to a higher standard and my husband as retired military too.  I keep that in mind daily as I am out in the public eye, dealing with clients, and at appointments.  I uphold that even behind closed doors.

Police are held to a higher standard and it irritates me when I see abuses of that power, on the road as they do not obey traffic laws, run stop signs and text while driving.  YOU are held to a higher standard!

Justice was finally served for the families who were forever changed by the actions of David Bisard.  You took the life of one and injuring at least 2 others because of a decision you made and for some reason you believed you were above.  I feel for his wife and children who have to live with his guilt and I will keep them in my prayers, it cannot be easy for them.

None of us are above the law and we may think for a fleeting moment that we can do "it" just this once, but all it takes is one time and lives can be changed forever.  No matter who you are, where you are, someone is always watching and someone is impacted.  Sometimes we don't know or appreciate what we have until it's gone or it's threaten.  Actions always have consequences, some are good and some are not.  Life changed in an instant. 

Why I do what I do.

As Distributors who are a part of Herbalife on the business side, we attend trainings monthly.  We hone our skills, we work to become better coaches, better people, better servants.  All roads in training lead to Extravaganza, our major country-wide event training.  I have been to 10 throughout my career and they get better and better, I always learn, but this year I was really affected in a different way.  I shared with my customers, members, distributors, old and new, in an email I sent to each of them.   I am sharing here, because this is a commitment to my new customers, members and Distributors in the future as well.

I am going to be completely open here for a few reasons:

1. I always try to be
2. I feel as a coach helping people with very personal issues they deserve it,
3. If I can help just one person in their journey I feel like I made a difference in this life.

4. I don't always get it right, no matter how hard i try and I have to be okay with that, grow and move forward.

My goal this month and throughout the end of the year is to really focus on the goals of others. I was asked during our national conference in Vegas "Why is it you do Herbalife?  If your have been in for years and income has been up and down, why are you here?  It can't be the money, because it has not always been there, you walked away from a serious income and now you work for yourself, so what is the real reason?"  I have never been asked that in 11 years.  Yes I have made money, I have been able to keep my son in any sport he wanted as he was growing up. I thought it was the picture of travel and lifestyle an such, but is that all, is that true.  That cannot be true if I am still here and money hasn't been a factor.  I live in a 2 bedroom apt that we are very comfortable right now, we have 1 car, there isn't a purpose for  2.  I give away our "extras" all the time, so what is it then?  

I thought about if for a few minutes and it comes down to this.  It's the people, I truly, truly love helping people. I love being a coach, I love doing follow-up calls and seeing how someones week went, I love someone calling me from a dressing room because they are buying jeans 2 sizes smaller or went to the gym for the first time. I love inspiring change in people's lives, helping them get their health back or feeling better about themselves.  I have had some clients who have been told they can't for so long that they believe it.  I have had some who have been so beaten down, they believe they don't deserve it and that is just not true.  I love that I can make someone smile and feel good about themselves. So if I can make a difference in someone's life and help the achieve their goals, then I achieve my own at the same time.  So that leads me to ask these questions.

How are you doing? What can I do to serve you? What can I do to help, hold you accountable, plan out your goals or anything of the sort?  I am available by phone, email or text, just let me know what you need and I will always do my best to help. 

I love what I do, I love our company, I love that we are working together to help others around the wold.  I love that we have CASA Herbalife's around the world to help children, give them a good meal and an opportunity and I love that we strive to be a little bit better every day.  Those that truly are in Herbalife to help others, to change lives and are in for the right reasons is why this company works. We have huge hearts and truly, truly want to serve others.  That is why we work, it isn't a get rich quick scheme and if that is what you are after you won't last and you will blame Herbalife, your sponsor, your down line and the list goes on.

I just want to know, what are your goals, what can I do to help and support you?

Change your thoughts, change your life

A letter to my customers, members, Distributors and anyone who want to "listen" in.

It's not about it getting easier, it is who you become along the way. If things are not as we want them to be we have to change, we have to grow, we have to become better.

Fitness, it's not always easy, but we get better with consistency. Those that know me know that exercise was not my cup of tea, but in order to grow I had to change. To become a better person I had to put that DVD in 5 days a week. Week by week I became stronger and more confident, with consistency I saw change.

Weight loss/gain overall nutrition, it is not always easy, but we get better with choices, not letting the scale dictate our day or weekend. We do not have to be perfect in our "diet", but we do have to make healthy choice, most of the time. If we mess up, we have to learn to let it go and choose better our next meal.

Self - Here's a big one, we are inundated with negativity these days, the news, TV shows, Facebook, mommy wars, professional wars, men vs women it is constant. We have to be on the offensive, we have to dictate what we read, what we listen to and what we let affect us. If you are not sure where to start, I have a reading list and a CD list. Jim Rohn changed my thinking forever with a CD series called "Challenge to Succeed." Attitude 101 by John Maxwell and so many more.

Bottom line is YOU ARE WORTH IT!! BELIEVE IT!! And if you don't or have a hard time with that, then call me, email me or text me. I believe in you. Why? Because I care, because I love, because it's not easy. I have seen the damage that can be done by accepting negative talk from others and self. I see the beauty you have inside and if you cannot see it yet, I want to help you find it.

Change your life, challenge yourself. Will self doubt and negative thoughts still come, yes. It never gets easier, you just get better! You learn to push it off and choose to believe what is truth. You are a unique individual with a unique mission in this life and a gift to all of us. All of us need each of us and each of us needs all of us.

 http://youtu.be/5LZLKEx2pwk

Your peace of mind plan

So for my last post in September for Brain Aneurysm Awareness Month I want to touch on another subject.  Not an easy one, but necessary.  This post will be long, I will take you through the most frightening night.  Why? So you get a glimpse of what it feels like to be making decisions at a young age, on what could be your death bed.  To make an impact and put it at the front of your mind to get papers in place.

Your Plan - Call it your peace of mind plan. 

You want to know what doesn't give you piece of mind?  At the young age of 26, being a single mom to a 4 year old, that is your world, and signing a handwritten Will as you are being rolled into an ambulance at one hospital because chances aren't great that you will survive that ride, but even lower if you have the surgery where you are.  What doesn't help is that ambulance ride where the driver has to keep slowing or stopping because so many ignore the life-threatening sirens blaring. 

As we are young and our kids are young we don't give enough thought to the what ifs.  I was a healthy, active 26 year old who suddenly was in the fight of my life, not once but twice.

After spending just over a week in ICU and finally getting better, 2 days later a blood clot came loose off my chest catheter and hit the other side of my brain.  It was a 1 in 1,000,000 chance. Suddenly I couldn't breathe and then the seizure started.  I remember the nurse looking over at me as I pounded on my bed because I couldn't talk and her face, I remember code blue being called, I remember the crash pads, I remember the nurse trying to put an i.v. in me as I was seizing and I remember my thought process. 

I talked myself through that entire seizure, I told myself that  I had to calm down, try breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, I remember asking God to calm me, I remember telling myself to calm down, slow down and try to breathe.  Mostly though I remember telling myself, "Calm down, breathe, just breathe, in through your nose out through your mouth, Michael and Morgan are on their way, you can't do this to them. You can do this. Calm down, breathe, relax your body, you have to call your Mom, you can't let her bring the kids to see you like this. You can do this. Calm down, breathe, just breathe, here it comes, you are getting air, in through your nose and out through your mouth. You got this.  Finally I could breath again, the seizing started to subside and I begged the nurse for a phone, which of course, she didn't want to give it to me.  I said you don't understand, I have to call my Mom, she is bringing Michael and Morgan, please don't let the kids see me this way, they will be too scared, please get her on the phone.  Thankfully we were able to get a hold of my Mom, I don't know what she told them, they were only 4 and 2, but what I did know is I wanted to protect them.  Morgan is my niece by the way, her and Michael have been like brother and sister since she was born.  They had just seen me the day before feeling better and eating with them and having fun, I could not let them see me that way.

What I also didn't know at the time was my best friend was walking down the hall with Schoop's and had been told to go away.  I was so sad that she had to witness and to not know what was going on.

More that the aneurysm or the surgery, the above event is what I keep in the back of my head. It is why we have a will, it is why we have directives, it why I talk about what I want should something happen, it is why I have life insurance.  I did not want to ever be face with another situation where I had to make impossible choices lying on a gurney.  Talk about it with your loved ones, while the threat is not there and emotions are not high, tell your spouse, parents, sister, brother what your choices are.  Mostly though, make sure that you have provided for your children, so they do not get caught up in family emotion on who is going to raise them, who is going to pay for them, etc.  I knew I would never have to worry about Michael, my parents would have always taken care of him, they would have always provided for him, but at 26 I never thought I would be faced with those realities.

Papers you need:  Will/Living trust, Living Will, Power of Attorney (even for your spouse), Health Care Representative, DNR if you choose, which Indiana just changed, so you have to revisit that, immunization records, allergies, medical records of prior surgeries or hospital stays, medical insurance cards, insurance policies, life, auto, home, disability or any other.  Have social security cards, bank numbers, policy numbers, copies of your driver's license, passport, vehicle titles, house deed, boat or other "toys".  Who will have say over you if you  become disabled?  The chances were high that I would have disabilities and although I know my parents would have taken care of me, we don't all have that luxury.  What about your parents? Are there other siblings involved?  If so, their wishes need to be spelled out, it needs to be talked about?  What are their wishes, do you know what they are, is it written down?  Again these are things that need to be take care of while your emotions aren't running amok. 

I also have these documents electronically in case we need them, I just need access to "the cloud" and can't access them even in travel.

Okay, sorry this post is so long, but it is something that I am passionate about.  Make sure your family is protected, you just don't know what will happen and when.

Being Bullied

I was bullied a lot in the 5th grade, to this day I remember the sunny day being tied up with a jump rope and left outside. I remember people picking on me for wearing dresses every day, I remember the miserable feeling of having to go to school, especially that year, but many other days too. I will say that not every day was miserable, I did have some good times in school, but not always. It just became easier to be what people thought or said than be me. I hear people say they would love to go back to the good old days of high school, I couldn't wait to never have to step foot in another classroom.

Unfortunately, it doesn't always stop as you become an adult. Gossip and talking about someone is just another part of bullying adding to that negativity, especially when you know it will get around and back to that person. Be aware of your surroundings, be aware when you are talking about someone in a dressing room, be aware when you are talking about someone and don't believe they, or someone close to them, is in earshot, or at a booth in a restaurant. Be aware of the fact that you are teaching your children that it is okay. Be aware of your words, they are worse than any stick I have ever come across. Be aware of how easy it is to use your fingers via social media, email or text and the lasting effect of those words. Be aware of what is most damaging, what is that? Is when it is someone you love,trust and respected.  Once that is shattered, I don't know if you are ever the same.

I found out recently that someone apparently still has stories to tell, even as untrue as they are. Did it bother me? Yes. Is it easier for me to move past it, finally yes.

I learned over the years to stay in the background, to stay silent. Except to myself, the self talk in my head resonated their words. It has taken me years to learn that what the collective "they" have to say isn't true, it doesn't always work.  Anyone who has gone through bullying, being put down or talked about by those they love has times when it creeps back to the surface, sometimes it is easy to push out of the way and other times, not so much.  It's those times when it takes days, weeks, months of talking to yourself, trying to find your bearings again, trying to become whole again.  It's when you dig deep, trust the Lord because he knows your hurts and he knows how to heal. Now, I work hard at making sure others don't give in, say or believe that self talk, especially with the women in my life. 

Be uplifting in someone's life, stay positive and remember the old saying if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all has never been truer.

Bullies called him Pork Chop - Upworthy

Be Persistent

Be persistent when it comes to your body. You know when something isn't right and let me be very bold. IT IS NOT NORMAL to feel tired, ache all the time, to not have energy, to have daily headaches for weeks on end, to have indigestion, digestive issues and feel like you keep getting hit by a truck! You deserve to feel better, your kids deserve a better parent, your siblings deserve a better sister/brother, you deserve a better life!

I was not persistent, when I mentioned my ongoing headaches to the OB I was seeing, he said "I don't know what's going on I'm not a neurologist." I felt dumb for even mentioning it, I also never went back to his office again. It was that same month that I had my brain surgery, it was 16 years ago today that I told my sister I had to go, something was very wrong. It was 16 years ago today, that I feared for the life of my child growing up without a mom. It was 16 years ago today that my life forever changed. Don't ignore your body, get the help you need. If you do not know where to turn, call, text, message or email me so I can help you.

I am blessed, I am here, I am healthy and my disabilities are minor compared to others, most people don't know or forget that I even have any. I follow a nutrition program, I do not skimp on our groceries or what we put in our bodies and I can help you. 

I am not mad, angry or bitter -I am overwhelmed, I cannot think straight and there is too much information

As I talked with a couple of people this weekend about how it feels to be a survivor and to have disabilities that aren't prevalent, that people, including family and friends, don't realize or forget that you have them, I realized that I need to continue to share this article.

If you know someone who has recovered from an brain aneurysm or traumatic brain injury please read, please remember and please be there for that person.  Please read and try to understand them instead of dismissing them, thinking they are too dramatic, not paying attention or berating them.

If you are someone who is recovering from an aneurysm or traumatic brain injury please know that you are not alone. I went YEARS not understanding, feeling isolated and alone, until I found a group of people going through the same things. It was a great relief to finally know that there were people who actually understood me and would actually take the time to get to know me and how to deal with some of these unseen disabilities.

I read this last year probably and couldn't believe how well someone could capture what goes on inside my own head daily.  ALL family members and close friends should read this if they have a loved one with a brain injury, whether it is from an Aneurysm or any other brain injury, it is relevant to us all.

Lost & Found: What Brain Injury Survivors Want You to Know 

Barbara J. Webster, Lash & Associates

I need a lot more rest than I used to. I’m not being lazy. I get physical fatigue as well as a “brain fatigue.” It is very difficult and tiring for my brain to think, process, and organize. Fatigue makes it even harder to think. 

My stamina fluctuates, even though I may look good or “all better” on the outside. Cognition is a fragile function for a brain injury survivor. Some days are better than others. Pushing too hard usually leads to setbacks, sometimes to illness. 

Brain injury rehabilitation takes a very long time; it is usually measured in years. It continues long after formal rehabilitation has ended. Please resist expecting me to be who I was, even though I look better. 

I am not being difficult if I resist social situations. Crowds, confusion, and loud sounds quickly overload my brain, it doesn’t filter sounds as well as it used to. Limiting my exposure is a coping strategy, not a behavioral problem. 

If there is more than one person talking, I may seem uninterested in the conversation. That is because I have trouble following all the different “lines” of discussion. It is exhausting to keep trying to piece it all together. I’m not dumb or rude; my brain is getting overloaded!

If we are talking and I tell you that I need to stop, I need to stop NOW! And it is not because I’m avoiding the subject, it’s just that I need time to process our discussion and “take a break” from all the thinking. Later I will be able to rejoin the conversation and really be present for the subject and for you. 

Try to notice the circumstances if a behavior problem arises. “Behavior problems” are often an indication of my inability to cope with a specific situation and not a mental health issue. I may be frustrated, in pain, overtired or there may be too much confusion or noise for my brain to filter. 

Patience is the best gift you can give me. It allows me to work deliberately and at my own pace, allowing me to rebuild pathways in my brain. Rushing and multi-tasking inhibit cognition. 

Please listen to me with patience. Try not to interrupt. Allow me to find my words and follow my thoughts. It will help me rebuild my language skills. 

Please have patience with my memory. Know that not remembering does not mean that I don’t care. 

Please don’t be condescending or talk to me like I am a child. I’m not stupid, my brain is injured and it doesn’t work as well as it used to. Try to think of me as if my brain were in a cast.

If I seem “rigid,” needing to do tasks the same way all the time; it is because I am retraining my brain. It’s like learning main roads before you can learn the shortcuts. Repeating tasks in the same sequence is a rehabilitation strategy. 

If I seem “stuck,” my brain may be stuck in the processing of information. Coaching me, suggesting other options or asking what you can do to help may help me figure it out. Taking over and doing it for me will not be constructive and it will make me feel inadequate. (It may also be an indication that I need to take a break.)

You may not be able to help me do something if helping requires me to frequently interrupt what I am doing to give you directives. I work best on my own, one step at a time and at my own pace.

If I repeat actions, like checking to see if the doors are locked or the stove is turned off, it may seem like I have OCD — obsessive-compulsive disorder — but I may not. It may be that I am having trouble registering what I am doing in my brain. Repetitions enhance memory. (It can also be a cue that I need to stop and rest.) 

If I seem sensitive, it could be emotional lability as a result of the injury or it may be a reflection of the extraordinary effort it takes to do things now. Tasks that used to feel “automatic” and take minimal effort, now take much longer, require the implementation of numerous strategies and are huge accomplishments for me.

We need cheerleaders now, as we start over, just like children do when they are growing up. Please help me and encourage all efforts. Please don’t be negative or critical. I am doing the best I can. 

Don’t confuse Hope for Denial. We are learning more and more about the amazing brain and there are remarkable stories about healing in the news every day. No one can know for certain what our potential is. We need Hope to be able to employ the many, many coping mechanisms, accommodations and strategies needed to navigate our new lives. Everything single thing in our lives is extraordinarily difficult for us now. It would be easy to give up without Hope.

September 20, 1997 - my 'Annie' versary - some notes from recent years.

Today I thought I would share my post from a few years ago.

I love my life and while I have been through some challenges and things certainly didn't always go as planned. I wouldn't change a thing. Those challenges give me strength, something I didn't realize for a long time. They increase my faith and they are a part of who I am. Those challenges give me life and I am grateful for that every day.

Today is my 16th 'Annie'versary, it is my Happy Day of Life and I am glad to be here for it.

Last year's post:

2012 Reflections

2010 

2010 reflections

Understanding Brain Aneurysm Statistics and Facts

I remember in '97/'98 once I was able, searching day after day, hour after hour, for information on aneurysms on the internet, to have some idea of what was going on, to find someone or something to relate to, to find someone who knew what I was going through, what I could look forward to in the future, what the statistics were(I'm a numbers girl), what my chances were, anything. The information was just not available. I am grateful for what is available now.

Understanding : Brain Aneurysm Statistics and Facts
Statistics and Facts

www.BAFound.org

*An estimated 6 million people in the United States have an unruptured brain aneurysm, or 1 in 50 people.

*The annual rate of rupture is approximately 8 – 10 per 100,000 people or about 30,000 people in the United States suffer a brain aneurysm rupture. There is a brain aneurysm rupturing every 18 minutes. Ruptured brain aneurysms are fatal in about 40% of cases. Of those who survive, about 66% suffer some permanent neurological deficit.

*Approximately 15% of patients with aneurysmal subarachnoid hemorrhage (SAH) die before reaching the hospital. Most of the deaths from subarachnoid hemorrhage are due to rapid and massive brain injury from the initial bleeding which is not correctable by medical and surgical interventions.

*4 out of 7 people who recover from a ruptured brain aneurysm will have disabilities.

*Brain aneurysms are most prevalent in people ages 35 - 60, but can occur in children as well. The median age when aneurysmal hemorrhagic stroke occurs is 50 years old and there are typically no warning signs. Most aneurysms develop after the age of 40.

*Most aneurysms are small, about 1/8 inch to nearly one inch, and an estimated 50 to 80 percent of all aneurysms do not rupture during the course of a person’s lifetime. Aneurysms larger than one inch are referred to as "giant" aneurysms and can pose a particularly high risk and can be difficult to treat.

*Women, more than men, suffer from brain aneurysms at a ratio of 3:2.

*Ruptured brain aneurysms account for 3 – 5% of all new strokes.

*Subarachnoid hemorrhage (SAH) is one of the most feared causes of acute headache upon presentation to the emergency department. Headache accounts for 1 – 2% of the emergency room visits and up to 4% of visits to the primary care offices. Among all the patients who present to the emergency room with headaches, approximately 1% has subarachnoid hemorrhage. One study put the figure at 4%.

*Accurate early diagnosis is critical, as the initial hemorrhage may be fatal, may result in devastating neurologic outcomes, or may produce minor symptoms. Despite widespread neuroimaging availability, misdiagnosis or delays in diagnosis occurs in up to 25% of patients with subarachnoid hemorrhage (SAH) when initially presenting for medical treatment. Failure to do a scan results in 73% of these misdiagnoses. This makes SAH a low-frequency, high-risk disease.

*There are almost 500,000 deaths worldwide each year caused by brain aneurysms and half the victims are younger than 50.

*Based on a 2004 study, the combined lost wages of survivors of brain aneurysm rupture and their caretaker for a year were $138,000,000

*The cost of a brain aneurysm treated by clipping via open brain surgery more than doubles in cost after the aneurysm has ruptured. The cost of a brain aneurysm treated by coiling, which is less invasive and is done through a catheter, increases by about 70% after the aneurysm has ruptured.

*10 – 15% of patients diagnosed with a brain aneurysm will harbor more than one aneurysm

Signs and Symptoms of a brain aneurysm

Signs and symptoms of a brain aneurysm, bear with me this one will be long.

I had signs for 4 years, I just didn't recognize them. I had debilitating migraines that I would black out from, even the stillness of the air in a room hurt me. I know that doesn't make sense, but it is the only way to describe it. Vision in my right eye had changed drastically, I had astigmatism out of no where, numbness in my arms and a persistent dull headache. I was going into my 4th week of a headache when I told my co-workers I would go to the doctor on Monday, they were worried. I worked with the best group of people. The aneurysm hit me that night, it was Friday. After the surgery and talking with doctors is when I put the signs and symptoms together. He estimated that I had more than 4 years of scar tissue from the aneurysm leaking. The cause likely my pregnancy and childbirth, it was then that I learned having another child I would likely not survive. Something I finally came to terms with about 5 years later.

As far as when I knew something was wrong, that's vivid. I was on the phone with my youngest sister, LoraLee, and Michael was watching Lion King. I suddenly felt like I had been hit in the back of the head with a sledge hammer. It was a bring me to my knees pain and it was truly the worst, most sudden pain of my entire life. Honestly labor was less painful and I had a natural, drug free birth. Unfortunately, LoraLee was in Indy and I told her I had to go that there was something wrong. I remember worrying about her throughout the night and the next morning because that is the last she heard from me and I didn't know if anyone had talked to her, if she was on the road and it was late or what. I even tried to wait before surgery the next morning to see her and my other sisters and brother to make sure she was okay.

The pain in the back of my head was severe, instinctively I knew that it was a life or death moment for me and that I needed help. If I had ignored the headache that time, I would not be here today. Hours later they had found 2 aneurysms, they were described as Mickey Mouse ears, they were next to each other. The 3rd was a micro, found in surgery, it hadn't even shown up on the angiogram it was so small. It was after surgery when the doctor also told us that I have a 100% chance of another aneurysm. But that's another story.

Daughter of God

Since a very young age, I have always known I am a child of God. In today's reading though, August 3, the author made a point of letting us know that we (women) are His daughter's. WOW, that just struck me so differently! In 31 years, I have never thought of it that way.
 

Are any of you Daddy's girls? I think all of my sisters and I are. There is anything I wouldn't do for my Dad. I hate, yes I just used hate, to disappoint him. I don't think there are too many things in the world that would hurt me more than to know I have disappointed him. I strive to make him proud of me and I love him beyond words and I know that he loves me, no matter what, even when I have felt unlovable. Putting God's love into this perspective, for me, was huge. To understand His love even more than I thought I already did, amazing. I am truly blessed, we all are, as daughter's and son's of God, to experience His unconditional love, to be loved AND forgiven even when we feel it's not possible or not worthy. Wow, what a day!

Forgiveness

I have something weighing on my mind for quite some time.  It has been discussed before and I am sure it will be again, but here goes.

Forgiveness, who is it for?  What is it about?  You or the offender.  It is a hard pill to swallow at times, but that forgiveness is really about the person doing the forgiving. It is about YOU. It is so you can move on, so you can deal with the emotions, you can begin to heal and you can take back the piece of your life.

I often hear, but Julie you don't understand what he/she did.  You don't understand the hurt.  You don't understand what I went through.  All of these emotions, entwined with that deed.  And you know what?  I may not understand how you feel, I have not walked in your shoes.  Chance are though, I have walked a similar path or have counseled someone who has.  I am not saying that is going to be easy, but I am saying it is necessary.

The other reason it is so necessary to forgive?  You and your family.  This bitterness, dare I say hatred, aggravation that you carry with you does not affect the other person, it affects those YOU love, those closest to YOU.  Your family, your children, your co-workers, your spouse.  It is not the other person affected by your inability to forgive, it is you.  Especially if you continue to "vent" or re-live the event to others.  You are affecting those people, not the offender. The anger you choose to take out on others is no longer their deed, but your own. It is your choice. They feel for you, they try to understand, they are affected, but they cannot be the one to ultimate forgive and it is not their fault.

Now am I saying forget, not necessarily.  Learn from the experience, remember the lesson from the experience.  The old adage goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."  Sometimes that lesson is a little harder to learn when it is family or someone you thought your were close to, but it a lesson you will need to learn.

Here is the other reason.  Control.  Now that is an even harder pill to swallow, but it is a fact.  Every time you get worked up about being wronged by this person, every time you write, call, text or choose to yell or call out this person, every time you choose to take it out on someone else - who incidently didn't have anything to do with the wronging in the first place, YOU are choosing to continually give them the control.  Do not take that anger or hurt you have for that other person, do not take that control you are giving them and perpetuate the problem by taking it out on someone else.  That makes you just as wrong and need to ask forgiveness.

Forgiveness is about you.  It gives you the freedom to heal, it gives you the freedom to move beyond and grow and it takes away their control.

I have wronged and I have been wronged.  I choose to forgive, because I am forgiven.  I choose to forgive because this is my life and I will not let someone else have that much negative influence on my life.  Am I perfect, not by a very long stretch, but I hope that if I have wronged someone in my life, I am a big enough person to ask for that forgiveness and if someone has hurt or wronged me, know that you are forgiven.

Stay off the scale!

I am officially done with week 2!  Starting into week 3 and working the Herbalife 24Fit DVD's I can honestly say I feel really good.  I am beginning to see the definition in my abs again and my body just feels better.

So after 2 full weeks, I am down 3.6 pounds overall, 2.3% in body fat, 7.5 inches and up .2 pounds of muscle.  My clothes are feeling better and we are getting into somewhat of a routine.

So the challenge I gave myself, each of my customers and challengers this week. STAY OFF THE SCALE!  Do not let the scale dictate your day, your mood, your self worth or define you.  You are not the number on the scale.  You are you!  You are a strong person who is on track to a healthier lifestyle.  Sometimes that journey is day by day and sometimes it is step by step, but you are making changes. 

Even with some challenges last week, we are still on track. I didn't get to the treadmill as often as I wanted.  My plan was to make some changes in this weeks routine, but that too has been sidelined.  Jim is facing his challenges this week as he reached for something and pulled a main muscle in his back.

One thing I have definitely learned over the last 10 years is there will always be bumps in the road, there will be things that pull you off course and then there will be road blocks.  It is our choice in how we deal with each of these obstacles.  We either give up or we fight for ourselves.  It isn't always easy, but you have to get up, brush yourself off and remember your ultimate goal to better yourself.  If you don't think you can do it on your own than ask a friend to help you push yourself through.  WE ARE WORTH IT!

I am looking forward to the weeks ahead!

You got this!!
 

One Week in

Officially I am one week into my Body Transformation and I am feeling pretty good.  The depression is gone, I feel good and outside of a bout with food poisoning I am in good shape.

I am down 1 pound and 6 inches after week one.  Since I didn't add these last week, I am adding them now.

Weight 131.6
Measurements 
UC 30.5
C 31
W 26.5
Ab 33.5
H 40
RT 22.75
LT 23
RA 9
LA 8.75
Now, I get a lot of flack for my weight and I am often told I should just be happy where I am at.  There are probably some of you who thought the same as you read my numbers. I have also been told that losing 25 pounds wasn't significant, that's what I lost 10 years ago and had maintained.  Well 25 pounds is the size of a toddler and it was pretty darn significant to me.

The fact of the matter is, I am not happy with me, I am not the best 'Me' I can be, things jiggle that shouldn't and I let my nutritional program slack off.  I want to be happy, feel great, be the best mom and wife I can be and mostly be proud of myself.  In 12 weeks, that is exactly where I plan to be. 

These last few months are the only time I have ever been so slack in my regimen, it is the only time I ever strayed so much for so long.  Don't be mistaken, I do not eat a perfect diet 24/7/365.  I do however eat a pretty clean, whole food diet about 90 - 95% of the time.  I do not miss anything and indulge when I want to.  I just refuse to put garbage in my body like fast food and processed box foods. 

SO, what is my goal?  Well, with my weight I do not have one.  Before getting hurt in September I was gaining muscle and that has since turned into fluff.  I want to drop my body weight percentage to 16%.  I want to have definition in my arms and legs, and possible even 6 pack abs.  I want to wear shorts without worry and to be proud of my after picture, in my bikini.

My over all goal is a different story.  What is that goal?  To inspire.  I want to inspire change, I want to help others reach for their goals.  I want to help them to not give up on themselves and push through those days when the "just don't want to".  I want to lead a healthy active lifestyle and show others that they can do the same.  I want to help others achieve their goals and aspire to be the best they can possibly be.  THAT is my true goal and I will do my best each and every day.

Here's to the journey!

Here is a link to my food journal.  If you cannot access, please just message me.  It's not perfect.  You will get the general idea though.  http://www.ichange.com/coach/JulieLuptak

New Year, New Me

It's been quite an eventful few months. September sent my path into a bit of a new direction.  I hurt a ligament on my right ankle chasing one of my nephews which completely derailed exercise for me.  One thing I have learned about ligaments, it is very easy to injure them again.  We were also in the process of purchasing a condo and that deal crumbled the day before closing.  Believe me it was a very hard thing to walk away from, I really had my heart set, but it was the right thing to do.  What I didn't expect was the journey it sent me on personally.   It's been a very difficult 3 months, I have been a frustrated with myself, a little depressed and relatively unhappy with me.  Which of course spills over into other areas. 

I have come to realize over the last few weeks that the reason I stay so regimented in my program and weight maintenance is control.  Yes, that is what it really boils down to, control.  Herbalife helps me in that tremendously,  but ultimately it is the choices I make as to what I want to put in my body.  Through struggles with lay offs, parents, kids, finances, relationships, and so much more I could always control my weight.  Now with that being said, the stress of carrying for my mother-in-law day in and day out did take a toll on my weight and while I could control what I ate and how much, my weight dropped severely just  due to the stress.  That was extremely hard on us, but caring for her had to be our priority and it has been.  I was eating plenty, but with the hours we were keeping and late nights at the nursing home, it was a lot for my body.  It is the only time I have not been able to keep weight on while trying too, but the circumstances were also extreme.  Once my husband quit working to take care of his mother more and help me with our business, my weight came right back on.  It's so funny how the body works. 

Now back to control, I am a people pleaser, I don't like to be in confrontation, I just want everyone to be happy, and never want to be the cause of upset for anyone.  It makes me physically ill, my heart races and I want to run or hide.  Now being a people pleaser and business leader, do not go hand in hand so I have had to learn how to lead.  I may not have always done the best, but I have always done my best.  My weight on the other hand, I control.  I control what I eat, how much I eat, when I eat, where I eat, if I eat, I control it all.  To top it off, I am stubborn in what I eat.  I do not eat fast food, even when we travel, I do not each junk food, and I do not eat sugary foods.  Control.

Once I was not able to exercise anymore, I began to miss it.  Yes me.  The person who really doesn't care for exercise was actually missing it.  On top of that, I could not wear my favorite shoes, I am a high heeled girl through and through, and with that it also eliminated much of my wardrobe because everything is tailored to my heels.  By November, i wasn't really caring a lot about me, I was frustrated in many aspects of my life and admittedly depressed. There were so many things I couldn't control, that I didn't want to even try anymore.

In December a multi-state body transformation was announced, registration was beginning in January.  So I put it in my mind that I was going to continue just to stay out of routine and set my sights on January and that is exactly what I have done.  Better yet, my husband, Jim, decided he would be joining me on this journey.

Next week Jim and I begin our body transformation challenges, together.  I have planned out 12 weeks of our routine, our meals, our snacks, our fruits and veggies, our and exercise.  It has me focused again and excited about the changes that are coming our way.  I have gained a few pounds while sitting in my duff.  Oh and that newly gained muscle from August?  Well let's just say it can no longer be seen and has found some fluffy friends.  Friday I will scan, weigh, measure and take pictures.  Sunday I will start on our new plan and Monday we add exercise back in.  I cannot explain to you how excited I am to begin this new phase, I am ready for it all to come together.

I will be sharing my journey throughout the next 12 weeks and so will my friend Stevie.  I will link to her blog whenever I figure out how.  

*ETA - Clearly I began this blog a couple weeks ago.  So far so good.