I have something weighing on my mind for quite some time. It has been discussed before and I am sure it will be again, but here goes.
Forgiveness, who is it for? What is it about? You or the offender. It is a hard pill to swallow at times, but that forgiveness is really about the person doing the forgiving. It is about YOU. It is so you can move on, so you can deal with the emotions, you can begin to heal and you can take back the piece of your life.
I often hear, but Julie you don't understand what he/she did. You don't understand the hurt. You don't understand what I went through. All of these emotions, entwined with that deed. And you know what? I may not understand how you feel, I have not walked in your shoes. Chance are though, I have walked a similar path or have counseled someone who has. I am not saying that is going to be easy, but I am saying it is necessary.
The other reason it is so necessary to forgive? You and your family. This bitterness, dare I say hatred, aggravation that you carry with you does not affect the other person, it affects those YOU love, those closest to YOU. Your family, your children, your co-workers, your spouse. It is not the other person affected by your inability to forgive, it is you. Especially if you continue to "vent" or re-live the event to others. You are affecting those people, not the offender. The anger you choose to take out on others is no longer their deed, but your own. It is your choice. They feel for you, they try to understand, they are affected, but they cannot be the one to ultimate forgive and it is not their fault.
Now am I saying forget, not necessarily. Learn from the experience, remember the lesson from the experience. The old adage goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Sometimes that lesson is a little harder to learn when it is family or someone you thought your were close to, but it a lesson you will need to learn.
Here is the other reason. Control. Now that is an even harder pill to swallow, but it is a fact. Every time you get worked up about being wronged by this person, every time you write, call, text or choose to yell or call out this person, every time you choose to take it out on someone else - who incidently didn't have anything to do with the wronging in the first place, YOU are choosing to continually give them the control. Do not take that anger or hurt you have for that other person, do not take that control you are giving them and perpetuate the problem by taking it out on someone else. That makes you just as wrong and need to ask forgiveness.
Forgiveness is about you. It gives you the freedom to heal, it gives you the freedom to move beyond and grow and it takes away their control.
I have wronged and I have been wronged. I choose to forgive, because I am forgiven. I choose to forgive because this is my life and I will not let someone else have that much negative influence on my life. Am I perfect, not by a very long stretch, but I hope that if I have wronged someone in my life, I am a big enough person to ask for that forgiveness and if someone has hurt or wronged me, know that you are forgiven.
