I Choose Happy!

We all have the choice to change, we aren't trees as Jim Rohn says. If you do not like your situation, stop talking about it, stop thinking about and do something about it.

"When you change, everything will change for you, when you get better, everything will get better for you." -Jim Rohn 

When I was in college I had a professor who challenged us.  He told us that all of us had a choice in life, no matter the situation.  I remember all of us being upset by his challenge, we staunchly argued with him, using my brain surgery a few short years prior as our evidence that "I" in particular did not have a choice.  We left that class and never understood why he would say such a thing, how dare he and more.  It wasn't until a few years later, that I finally understood and you know what?  He was right after all.  EVERYTHING we do or say is a choice, everything.  I did have a choice.  What we actually have to weigh is the consequences of our choice.  I have the brain surgery, I might live and if I didn't I would most definitely die, but I still had a choice, it wasn't have the brain surgery or not, it was to live or die.  

As we grow older, hopefully we grow wiser.  There comes a time in life when we have to take responsibility for our actions, our choices, our lives. We can either be mad, bitter or angry about what has happened to us, or that which we have perceived.  Unfortunately too many go off half cocked about what they think happened, or have been told. There lives are shaped by the bitterness they hang on to, they thrive on it.  For what purpose?  Oh pitful me, look at what has happened to ME, look what someone said to ME, what they did to ME, feel sorry for ME. That is a part of their identity now.

I have been through A LOT in my lifetime, growing up as the oldest child, but actually the middle.That comes with it's own set of issues. We went through hard time, layoffs, illness, deaths and so, so much more.  I have been through a lot of trials, many of which I could use to get sympathy on how hard my life has been,  Relationships that have come and gone, some that have been stripped raw and rebuilt, better, stronger, kinder, wiser.  No, I do not plan to share as it's not a part of my identity, victim, it's not a part of my who I choose to be.

I have learned that everything I do, is my choice, it is my decision.  How I choose to handle a situation, whether it is hatred or kindness, it is my choice.  But if I handle that situation with vile hatred, that is all I am spreading, that is what someone remembers about me.  I am not saying I get it right every time, I do get upset and sometime lose a bit of my temper. I'll tell you what though, it's nothing like the temper I lost in my 20's, I grew up.

There comes a time in your life when you have to stop blaming others, stop blaming the economy, your boss, your parents, your situation. Stop blaming others for your feeling and the choices YOU are still making. YOU are 100% responsible for how you feel and what is or is not happening in your life.  I have learned over time that I get to choose who and what I am each and everyday and I choose happy.  Even when faced with deep depression and not knowing how to get out of bed, I make the choice and I get out of bed anyway.  Why? Because it will lead back to my happy.  I dive into the Word of God to find peace and understanding because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt the He will be with me and carry me when just don't know how.  Each day, I choose happy, each day I choose to be there for my husband, each day I choose to be the best person I know how to be.  Each day I choose what will come out of my mouth.  Each day I choose.

We face challenges each and every day, every single one of us.  It is up to us to make a choice, we are either defined by our past or we chose to live in the present and make a bright future.  What choice will you make?  

Will it be easy? Probably not. Will it be worth it? Absolutely.  Start feeding your dream, not your past.

Learn to listen.

Isn't it funny, we are in such a hurry that we don't stop and listen.  Instead we label.  I have been told I am quiet and reserved, which I am for the most part, I will not deny it. I am also told variations like, I am standoffish, I don't argue enough, I don't fight for myself, I don't talk enough, and my personal favorite, I'm bitter.

Standoffish? Ehh, I don't really agree, I am told it is because I keep to myself.  "They" are right in some cases, I rarely argue and those few times I might argue is when I am pushed A LOT and emotions are high. I don't fight, it isn't necessary and accomplishes nothing in the heat of the moment. I am never bitter, I let things go quickly, forgive often and try to forget and there are reasons and I really don't talk a lot. 

One of the greatest compliments I ever received from my son, Michael, he didn't even mean it as a compliment, but that is how I took it. It was something he said in a conversation we were having about tempers. I told him he gets his honestly from his dad and I that we both have fierce tempers and it is something he will have to learn to control or it will control him. He said "What are you talking about, you don't have a temper." I let him know that actually I do and I have worked hard since his dad and I divorced to keep it controlled. I am glad to know that my son doesn't know my temper. My other son, Xanthin, doesn't even remember the one time I lost my temper with him, he was an adult by that time and I am happy for it. 

Now, here is what is really going on, I observe, I listen, I try to not interrupt with my own idea, story, accolade or solution. I listen. Sometimes it is to both sides of situations and if needed, once everyone is done, I speak and give my thoughts. Mostly though, I listen - sometimes people just need a sounding board, a person to listen to their own thought process, someone they know will not judge and someone who isn't going to interrupt. I have also learned and really do try to stick to the adage, "If it is not necessary to say, it is necessary not to say". I do this in both my personal and professional life. If you know me at all, you know I observe everything before I speak. 

If you truly know me, who I am and what I believe, you know that I forgive quickly and move on. There isn't a reason to hold grudges, there isn't a reason to let someone else control your emotions and hold you hostage to those feelings. I don't share much of my person life with anyone, a learned skill from years of judgement, so I just keep to myself and my God. I have a couple of trusted friends who know a little about me, those are few and far between. Mostly, I just listen.

Finally to my point - Take the time to get to know people, to understand them, to understand their situation, what their need is or what they offering BEFORE offering your solution, your advice or your comments. Learning to TRULY listen is a skill, it is something I have worked diligently at for years, I can only pray I have succeeded in some manner and will continue to refine. Listening, to me, is one of the first skills necessary in serving. I am reminded of it often and in all areas of life, as I encountered a customer service rep yesterday, with friends, family, clients and as I read this morning. Take some time and listen, it is amazing what you will learn about people and what they are truly about.

What does your exercise regimen look like?

What does your exercise regimen look like? Are you doing endless hours of cardio? Hitting the gym every now and then because you pay a membership fee? Spinning out of control? You don't need to spend hours in the gym on the treadmills, stair climbers and elliptical machines. So what do you need to do?

Number one - start in the kitchen. You cannot out train a bad diet, you just can't do it. Now maybe your younger self can, but as you get older that will change. Finding out your key numbers is an important piece of that puzzle and definitely something that I can help with. 

It is 80% Nutrition and 20% Exercise = 100 % Mindset. This does NOT mean chicken and broccoli every meal, squirrel eating and rabbit food.  I have increased my calories this years, increased my muscle and decreased my body fat.

Number two - High Intensity Interval Training - H.I.I.T is intense and will burn more calories in less time. Basically low to moderate intensity activity mixed with bursts of all out (high intensity activity). My goal is cutting fat and building strength, which lines up with the H.I.I.T activity. 

Example: These next 3 weeks I am working on 15 sec high intensity, 45 sec moderate activity for 15 rounds. During the Ohio Body Transformation Challenge my H.I.I.T was 45 secs and 2 minutes off. I have been using the treadmill, but this can be done by running outside, elliptical, bike, jumping jacks and so much more. 

Number three - Weight training - As I said, I am not lifting to bulk, but I am lifting to help my body gain strength. As we age our muscles atrophy unless we do something about it. I noticed this when I turned 30, but I really noticed in my 40's. I am the only person that is going to take care of me, it is my job to take care of me and I plan to be the best me I can for myself and for my family. 

Now I didn't just start out in the weight area of the gym, nor did I ever see myself lifting again. I actually began over a year ago with the Herbalife24 Fit DVD's and as I worked through the program and completed it, I gained confidence. I gained confidence in myself, my ability and my own strength. I went from there into the gym and I have been lifting since October, I am definitely NOT bulky, but I feel good. 

Number four - Don't undo it all after your workout. You must give your body the proper fuel. Don't leave the gym and forget to refuel your body. My treat is Herbalife24 Rebuild Strength, it is an awesome recovery drink, it tastes fantastic and it is chock full of protein, BCAA, branch chained amino acids, L-Glutamine and more. It has what your body needs to PROPERLY refuel my body and a bonus...It tastes so great!! I earn my recovery shake every.single. workout. That is very important to me. 

Start slow, get your numbers, find a partner, but mostly just get started. If you would like some help, I would love to help you get started, get your numbers and help you feel as great as I do!!

It's Time to Take Responsibility!

I just read some comments that didn't "sit" well with me. Some of them were "I would rather have friends and be able to look at myself in the mirror than be rich." "I don't have a huge house, nice car or a lot of money, but at least I have friends." "I don't have..., but at least I have...."  Why is this okay?  Why can we not have a nice house, nice car, money AND friends.  I don't understand, I don't get it.  Why is it one or the other?  Where is this coming from and why is it trending?  I see it in other areas when it comes to weight and fitness too, but I want to talk about "the rich".

Sadly, I see a consistent theme or ethos on Facebook and on the internet regarding the wealthy, they are evil, immoral, it's unfair and more.  There seems to be a push and I just don't understand it. Are there some who are immoral or fit this description? Yes, there are and I am not denying that. I have also seen cases of entitlement on recent shows and other exploited exceptions to the rule. The majority are not evil, immoral beings, but the minority stand out and the perception is gaining momentum.  This perception is snowballing. 

These days I do see more questionable actions, lack of values and morals, I see life valued less, I see people valuing themselves less. I don't see this in the just the rich though, I don't believe this is from a rich and famous agenda.  If it were true that everyone who was wealthy or rich and famous were evil, immoral characters then what type of world are we living in and where are we headed?  If the rich and famous are these evil doers than why are we going to see their movies or listen to their music?  If we truly saw them this way then we would stop and wouldn't spend our hard earned money to further their agenda.  We need to wake up and stop the blame game.

I have lived abundantly, not wealthy, but no wants, and I have lost everything, in neither of these cases have I been any of the above. In fact, I HAVE been told I am "to damn honest for my own good". I have always been able to look at myself in the mirror and I have taken responsibility.  It wasn't the other persons fault when I lost everything, it was my own for not reading a contract thoroughly and with a fine tooth comb or having someone else read it for me instead of gleaning through and assuming.
 
I have met some incredible people over the last 10 years. I  know a lot of wealthy people, some through my tax career, some through my business and some who I have just been fortunate enough to meet and not one of them is evil. I have never asked one of them for a handout, nor would I ever!  They didn't get there on someone's back, they did it by doing what others weren't willing to do.  They were uncomfortable, but knew they only way to make a change was to change themselves.  I know a man who saw a need unfulfilled and designed an entire business to fulfill that need around the world.  Now retired he has given about 80% away and when he passes, the rest will be given away.  These people stepped out of the mainstream and chose a different path. They saved, they sacrificed, short term, and they did more than they had to do to get where they wanted to go. At some point we have to start taking responsibility for our own lives. 

I have worked for minimum wage and I have worked for less than minimum wage.  When I realized and understood that I was not going to be able to provide for myself and my son, I went to college to provide a life for us. Was it easy? Not in the slightest, I worked 30 hours a week, went to school full time with a preschooler, as a single mom, living on our own. I had to make choices that were incredibly difficult.  In fact, it put me in the hospital for weeks and I had to learn to write, comprehend and walk again. And I did, I refused to give up. After a few months I continued in my education, finished my degree and went on to my career. A career I  eventually walked away from to start all over again.  As life has gone through the hills and valleys, I looked for other opportunities.  They are out there, we just have to seek them out, we have to put out the effort. It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth, I have made wonderful friends, met incredible people and have learned SO much in the 24 1/2 years.

Our needs are always met and I always give whatever I can.  Even when I didn't have the money to, I have found a way and in the end, needs were met. I am not saying that I have never asked for help, because I have when I absolutely had to, but that is a last resort for me. I call that ego, something I have to work on, it's not pride as some would think, it's ego. You see, I have learned that lesson too. Sometimes the choices I had to make were incredibly hard and I know they were not understood by some of my family and friends, I know I have been judged by people who haven't walked one step in my shoes, but I have always done what I felt was best our family, and our needs were met. 

As I rebuild our abundance, I will continue to give joyously, fulfill dreams for myself, my family, and my friends. I will be able to travel and enjoy the beautiful world God created for us. I will be able to build the senior center I want to and do missions trips. I will always be able to look myself in the mirror and I won't apologize. I will always learn, I will always try to do more, to do better, to gain knowledge. Mostly, I will work on myself. To become better I have to change, I have to be better, I have to do better, no one else can do it for me. I do not expect anyone to take care of me, except for me and God. I know He will because God is faithful and provides, because I trust in Him. I also know He expects me to put forth the some of the effort.

This Year is About the Journey

I have spent quite a bit of time at the end of 2013 and early 2014 looking at my goals for the year. I had decided I wanted to focus on one word for 2014.  I scribbled words in notebooks, my journal, my computer and I kept coming back to a verse.  The verse is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

2013 was a tough year, probably the toughest in 21 years and if you know anything about the last 6 or 18 years of my life that is saying something. At times I felt out of place, not myself, without focus, without purpose, I didn't know what to think or do.  There is one thing that I do know though? Life is about the journey, not the destination.  It is what we learn and who we become along the way to reaching and achieving our goals.  I have questioned over and over and over my path, what am I supposed to do, who am I supposed to help and how am I supposed to do it.  I have asked God this question 1,000 times this past year and as I kept pondering the New Year this verse kept popping in my head.  You see I'm a planner, I like it all in the calendar or spreadsheet neatly planned out and ready to go and this verse tells me I am not the one in control of the plan.  What do I do with THAT?  Well, I finally decided to let go.  Let go of the plan, let go of 2013 and let God.  Because frankly what else is there to do, clearly I don't want a repeat of last year.

So my word to focus on in 2014 is - Journey.  I plan to focus on the journey of what God has planned for me. I am going to be disciplined enough to listen and follow through on His plan with real intention.  I am going to seek him out so I know that I am on the path that he has laid out for me.  I don't know where it's going to take me yet, but I do know that I don't have to worry because it's in his hands.

Now what this doesn't mean is that I will sit back in my lounge chair, day after day and wait to hear his voice.  What it does mean is I will listen as I set my goals, act when my gut tells me to do something and when I am sure about his plans I will work with intention of achieving those goals 100%.

One goal I have this year is to read the Bible in its entirety in chronological order, so far that has been a lot of fun.  I have a separate journal just for goals, quotes, words, verses and pictures for my 2014 path.  I am letting go and just letting God take control. Will I stumble along the way? I have no doubt, but I also know one other thing about me, I ALWAYS get up, I dust myself off and I move forward. 

So this year, I will enjoy the journey. I will take time to appreciate, I will sit back and rest when I need to and I will go 110% with my hair on fire when I need to and I can honestly say, I am looking forward to it all.  Let the journey begin!!