So for my last post in September for Brain Aneurysm Awareness Month I want to touch on another subject. Not an easy one, but necessary. This post will be long, I will take you through the most frightening night. Why? So you get a glimpse of what it feels like to be making decisions at a young age, on what could be your death bed. To make an impact and put it at the front of your mind to get papers in place.
Your Plan - Call it your peace of mind plan.
You want to know what doesn't give you piece of mind? At the young age of 26, being a single mom to a 4 year old, that is your world, and signing a handwritten Will as you are being rolled into an ambulance at one hospital because chances aren't great that you will survive that ride, but even lower if you have the surgery where you are. What doesn't help is that ambulance ride where the driver has to keep slowing or stopping because so many ignore the life-threatening sirens blaring.
As we are young and our kids are young we don't give enough thought to the what ifs. I was a healthy, active 26 year old who suddenly was in the fight of my life, not once but twice.
After spending just over a week in ICU and finally getting better, 2 days later a blood clot came loose off my chest catheter and hit the other side of my brain. It was a 1 in 1,000,000 chance. Suddenly I couldn't breathe and then the seizure started. I remember the nurse looking over at me as I pounded on my bed because I couldn't talk and her face, I remember code blue being called, I remember the crash pads, I remember the nurse trying to put an i.v. in me as I was seizing and I remember my thought process.
I talked myself through that entire seizure, I told myself that I had to calm down, try breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, I remember asking God to calm me, I remember telling myself to calm down, slow down and try to breathe. Mostly though I remember telling myself, "Calm down, breathe, just breathe, in through your nose out through your mouth, Michael and Morgan are on their way, you can't do this to them. You can do this. Calm down, breathe, relax your body, you have to call your Mom, you can't let her bring the kids to see you like this. You can do this. Calm down, breathe, just breathe, here it comes, you are getting air, in through your nose and out through your mouth. You got this. Finally I could breath again, the seizing started to subside and I begged the nurse for a phone, which of course, she didn't want to give it to me. I said you don't understand, I have to call my Mom, she is bringing Michael and Morgan, please don't let the kids see me this way, they will be too scared, please get her on the phone. Thankfully we were able to get a hold of my Mom, I don't know what she told them, they were only 4 and 2, but what I did know is I wanted to protect them. Morgan is my niece by the way, her and Michael have been like brother and sister since she was born. They had just seen me the day before feeling better and eating with them and having fun, I could not let them see me that way.
What I also didn't know at the time was my best friend was walking down the hall with Schoop's and had been told to go away. I was so sad that she had to witness and to not know what was going on.
More that the aneurysm or the surgery, the above event is what I keep in the back of my head. It is why we have a will, it is why we have directives, it why I talk about what I want should something happen, it is why I have life insurance. I did not want to ever be face with another situation where I had to make impossible choices lying on a gurney. Talk about it with your loved ones, while the threat is not there and emotions are not high, tell your spouse, parents, sister, brother what your choices are. Mostly though, make sure that you have provided for your children, so they do not get caught up in family emotion on who is going to raise them, who is going to pay for them, etc. I knew I would never have to worry about Michael, my parents would have always taken care of him, they would have always provided for him, but at 26 I never thought I would be faced with those realities.
Papers you need: Will/Living trust, Living Will, Power of Attorney (even for your spouse), Health Care Representative, DNR if you choose, which Indiana just changed, so you have to revisit that, immunization records, allergies, medical records of prior surgeries or hospital stays, medical insurance cards, insurance policies, life, auto, home, disability or any other. Have social security cards, bank numbers, policy numbers, copies of your driver's license, passport, vehicle titles, house deed, boat or other "toys". Who will have say over you if you become disabled? The chances were high that I would have disabilities and although I know my parents would have taken care of me, we don't all have that luxury. What about your parents? Are there other siblings involved? If so, their wishes need to be spelled out, it needs to be talked about? What are their wishes, do you know what they are, is it written down? Again these are things that need to be take care of while your emotions aren't running amok.
I also have these documents electronically in case we need them, I just need access to "the cloud" and can't access them even in travel.
Okay, sorry this post is so long, but it is something that I am passionate about. Make sure your family is protected, you just don't know what will happen and when.
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