New Year, New Me

It's been quite an eventful few months. September sent my path into a bit of a new direction.  I hurt a ligament on my right ankle chasing one of my nephews which completely derailed exercise for me.  One thing I have learned about ligaments, it is very easy to injure them again.  We were also in the process of purchasing a condo and that deal crumbled the day before closing.  Believe me it was a very hard thing to walk away from, I really had my heart set, but it was the right thing to do.  What I didn't expect was the journey it sent me on personally.   It's been a very difficult 3 months, I have been a frustrated with myself, a little depressed and relatively unhappy with me.  Which of course spills over into other areas. 

I have come to realize over the last few weeks that the reason I stay so regimented in my program and weight maintenance is control.  Yes, that is what it really boils down to, control.  Herbalife helps me in that tremendously,  but ultimately it is the choices I make as to what I want to put in my body.  Through struggles with lay offs, parents, kids, finances, relationships, and so much more I could always control my weight.  Now with that being said, the stress of carrying for my mother-in-law day in and day out did take a toll on my weight and while I could control what I ate and how much, my weight dropped severely just  due to the stress.  That was extremely hard on us, but caring for her had to be our priority and it has been.  I was eating plenty, but with the hours we were keeping and late nights at the nursing home, it was a lot for my body.  It is the only time I have not been able to keep weight on while trying too, but the circumstances were also extreme.  Once my husband quit working to take care of his mother more and help me with our business, my weight came right back on.  It's so funny how the body works. 

Now back to control, I am a people pleaser, I don't like to be in confrontation, I just want everyone to be happy, and never want to be the cause of upset for anyone.  It makes me physically ill, my heart races and I want to run or hide.  Now being a people pleaser and business leader, do not go hand in hand so I have had to learn how to lead.  I may not have always done the best, but I have always done my best.  My weight on the other hand, I control.  I control what I eat, how much I eat, when I eat, where I eat, if I eat, I control it all.  To top it off, I am stubborn in what I eat.  I do not eat fast food, even when we travel, I do not each junk food, and I do not eat sugary foods.  Control.

Once I was not able to exercise anymore, I began to miss it.  Yes me.  The person who really doesn't care for exercise was actually missing it.  On top of that, I could not wear my favorite shoes, I am a high heeled girl through and through, and with that it also eliminated much of my wardrobe because everything is tailored to my heels.  By November, i wasn't really caring a lot about me, I was frustrated in many aspects of my life and admittedly depressed. There were so many things I couldn't control, that I didn't want to even try anymore.

In December a multi-state body transformation was announced, registration was beginning in January.  So I put it in my mind that I was going to continue just to stay out of routine and set my sights on January and that is exactly what I have done.  Better yet, my husband, Jim, decided he would be joining me on this journey.

Next week Jim and I begin our body transformation challenges, together.  I have planned out 12 weeks of our routine, our meals, our snacks, our fruits and veggies, our and exercise.  It has me focused again and excited about the changes that are coming our way.  I have gained a few pounds while sitting in my duff.  Oh and that newly gained muscle from August?  Well let's just say it can no longer be seen and has found some fluffy friends.  Friday I will scan, weigh, measure and take pictures.  Sunday I will start on our new plan and Monday we add exercise back in.  I cannot explain to you how excited I am to begin this new phase, I am ready for it all to come together.

I will be sharing my journey throughout the next 12 weeks and so will my friend Stevie.  I will link to her blog whenever I figure out how.  

*ETA - Clearly I began this blog a couple weeks ago.  So far so good.