Forgiveness

I have something weighing on my mind for quite some time.  It has been discussed before and I am sure it will be again, but here goes.

Forgiveness, who is it for?  What is it about?  You or the offender.  It is a hard pill to swallow at times, but that forgiveness is really about the person doing the forgiving. It is about YOU. It is so you can move on, so you can deal with the emotions, you can begin to heal and you can take back the piece of your life.

I often hear, but Julie you don't understand what he/she did.  You don't understand the hurt.  You don't understand what I went through.  All of these emotions, entwined with that deed.  And you know what?  I may not understand how you feel, I have not walked in your shoes.  Chance are though, I have walked a similar path or have counseled someone who has.  I am not saying that is going to be easy, but I am saying it is necessary.

The other reason it is so necessary to forgive?  You and your family.  This bitterness, dare I say hatred, aggravation that you carry with you does not affect the other person, it affects those YOU love, those closest to YOU.  Your family, your children, your co-workers, your spouse.  It is not the other person affected by your inability to forgive, it is you.  Especially if you continue to "vent" or re-live the event to others.  You are affecting those people, not the offender. The anger you choose to take out on others is no longer their deed, but your own. It is your choice. They feel for you, they try to understand, they are affected, but they cannot be the one to ultimate forgive and it is not their fault.

Now am I saying forget, not necessarily.  Learn from the experience, remember the lesson from the experience.  The old adage goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."  Sometimes that lesson is a little harder to learn when it is family or someone you thought your were close to, but it a lesson you will need to learn.

Here is the other reason.  Control.  Now that is an even harder pill to swallow, but it is a fact.  Every time you get worked up about being wronged by this person, every time you write, call, text or choose to yell or call out this person, every time you choose to take it out on someone else - who incidently didn't have anything to do with the wronging in the first place, YOU are choosing to continually give them the control.  Do not take that anger or hurt you have for that other person, do not take that control you are giving them and perpetuate the problem by taking it out on someone else.  That makes you just as wrong and need to ask forgiveness.

Forgiveness is about you.  It gives you the freedom to heal, it gives you the freedom to move beyond and grow and it takes away their control.

I have wronged and I have been wronged.  I choose to forgive, because I am forgiven.  I choose to forgive because this is my life and I will not let someone else have that much negative influence on my life.  Am I perfect, not by a very long stretch, but I hope that if I have wronged someone in my life, I am a big enough person to ask for that forgiveness and if someone has hurt or wronged me, know that you are forgiven.

Stay off the scale!

I am officially done with week 2!  Starting into week 3 and working the Herbalife 24Fit DVD's I can honestly say I feel really good.  I am beginning to see the definition in my abs again and my body just feels better.

So after 2 full weeks, I am down 3.6 pounds overall, 2.3% in body fat, 7.5 inches and up .2 pounds of muscle.  My clothes are feeling better and we are getting into somewhat of a routine.

So the challenge I gave myself, each of my customers and challengers this week. STAY OFF THE SCALE!  Do not let the scale dictate your day, your mood, your self worth or define you.  You are not the number on the scale.  You are you!  You are a strong person who is on track to a healthier lifestyle.  Sometimes that journey is day by day and sometimes it is step by step, but you are making changes. 

Even with some challenges last week, we are still on track. I didn't get to the treadmill as often as I wanted.  My plan was to make some changes in this weeks routine, but that too has been sidelined.  Jim is facing his challenges this week as he reached for something and pulled a main muscle in his back.

One thing I have definitely learned over the last 10 years is there will always be bumps in the road, there will be things that pull you off course and then there will be road blocks.  It is our choice in how we deal with each of these obstacles.  We either give up or we fight for ourselves.  It isn't always easy, but you have to get up, brush yourself off and remember your ultimate goal to better yourself.  If you don't think you can do it on your own than ask a friend to help you push yourself through.  WE ARE WORTH IT!

I am looking forward to the weeks ahead!

You got this!!
 

One Week in

Officially I am one week into my Body Transformation and I am feeling pretty good.  The depression is gone, I feel good and outside of a bout with food poisoning I am in good shape.

I am down 1 pound and 6 inches after week one.  Since I didn't add these last week, I am adding them now.

Weight 131.6
Measurements 
UC 30.5
C 31
W 26.5
Ab 33.5
H 40
RT 22.75
LT 23
RA 9
LA 8.75
Now, I get a lot of flack for my weight and I am often told I should just be happy where I am at.  There are probably some of you who thought the same as you read my numbers. I have also been told that losing 25 pounds wasn't significant, that's what I lost 10 years ago and had maintained.  Well 25 pounds is the size of a toddler and it was pretty darn significant to me.

The fact of the matter is, I am not happy with me, I am not the best 'Me' I can be, things jiggle that shouldn't and I let my nutritional program slack off.  I want to be happy, feel great, be the best mom and wife I can be and mostly be proud of myself.  In 12 weeks, that is exactly where I plan to be. 

These last few months are the only time I have ever been so slack in my regimen, it is the only time I ever strayed so much for so long.  Don't be mistaken, I do not eat a perfect diet 24/7/365.  I do however eat a pretty clean, whole food diet about 90 - 95% of the time.  I do not miss anything and indulge when I want to.  I just refuse to put garbage in my body like fast food and processed box foods. 

SO, what is my goal?  Well, with my weight I do not have one.  Before getting hurt in September I was gaining muscle and that has since turned into fluff.  I want to drop my body weight percentage to 16%.  I want to have definition in my arms and legs, and possible even 6 pack abs.  I want to wear shorts without worry and to be proud of my after picture, in my bikini.

My over all goal is a different story.  What is that goal?  To inspire.  I want to inspire change, I want to help others reach for their goals.  I want to help them to not give up on themselves and push through those days when the "just don't want to".  I want to lead a healthy active lifestyle and show others that they can do the same.  I want to help others achieve their goals and aspire to be the best they can possibly be.  THAT is my true goal and I will do my best each and every day.

Here's to the journey!

Here is a link to my food journal.  If you cannot access, please just message me.  It's not perfect.  You will get the general idea though.  http://www.ichange.com/coach/JulieLuptak

New Year, New Me

It's been quite an eventful few months. September sent my path into a bit of a new direction.  I hurt a ligament on my right ankle chasing one of my nephews which completely derailed exercise for me.  One thing I have learned about ligaments, it is very easy to injure them again.  We were also in the process of purchasing a condo and that deal crumbled the day before closing.  Believe me it was a very hard thing to walk away from, I really had my heart set, but it was the right thing to do.  What I didn't expect was the journey it sent me on personally.   It's been a very difficult 3 months, I have been a frustrated with myself, a little depressed and relatively unhappy with me.  Which of course spills over into other areas. 

I have come to realize over the last few weeks that the reason I stay so regimented in my program and weight maintenance is control.  Yes, that is what it really boils down to, control.  Herbalife helps me in that tremendously,  but ultimately it is the choices I make as to what I want to put in my body.  Through struggles with lay offs, parents, kids, finances, relationships, and so much more I could always control my weight.  Now with that being said, the stress of carrying for my mother-in-law day in and day out did take a toll on my weight and while I could control what I ate and how much, my weight dropped severely just  due to the stress.  That was extremely hard on us, but caring for her had to be our priority and it has been.  I was eating plenty, but with the hours we were keeping and late nights at the nursing home, it was a lot for my body.  It is the only time I have not been able to keep weight on while trying too, but the circumstances were also extreme.  Once my husband quit working to take care of his mother more and help me with our business, my weight came right back on.  It's so funny how the body works. 

Now back to control, I am a people pleaser, I don't like to be in confrontation, I just want everyone to be happy, and never want to be the cause of upset for anyone.  It makes me physically ill, my heart races and I want to run or hide.  Now being a people pleaser and business leader, do not go hand in hand so I have had to learn how to lead.  I may not have always done the best, but I have always done my best.  My weight on the other hand, I control.  I control what I eat, how much I eat, when I eat, where I eat, if I eat, I control it all.  To top it off, I am stubborn in what I eat.  I do not eat fast food, even when we travel, I do not each junk food, and I do not eat sugary foods.  Control.

Once I was not able to exercise anymore, I began to miss it.  Yes me.  The person who really doesn't care for exercise was actually missing it.  On top of that, I could not wear my favorite shoes, I am a high heeled girl through and through, and with that it also eliminated much of my wardrobe because everything is tailored to my heels.  By November, i wasn't really caring a lot about me, I was frustrated in many aspects of my life and admittedly depressed. There were so many things I couldn't control, that I didn't want to even try anymore.

In December a multi-state body transformation was announced, registration was beginning in January.  So I put it in my mind that I was going to continue just to stay out of routine and set my sights on January and that is exactly what I have done.  Better yet, my husband, Jim, decided he would be joining me on this journey.

Next week Jim and I begin our body transformation challenges, together.  I have planned out 12 weeks of our routine, our meals, our snacks, our fruits and veggies, our and exercise.  It has me focused again and excited about the changes that are coming our way.  I have gained a few pounds while sitting in my duff.  Oh and that newly gained muscle from August?  Well let's just say it can no longer be seen and has found some fluffy friends.  Friday I will scan, weigh, measure and take pictures.  Sunday I will start on our new plan and Monday we add exercise back in.  I cannot explain to you how excited I am to begin this new phase, I am ready for it all to come together.

I will be sharing my journey throughout the next 12 weeks and so will my friend Stevie.  I will link to her blog whenever I figure out how.  

*ETA - Clearly I began this blog a couple weeks ago.  So far so good.

Working on my fitness

Wow where has the time gone, the last 10 weeks have flown by.  Around here schools are already back into session which is crazy to me, but true.  

These last several weeks I have really committed to myself and my exercise program.  Exercise is not something I have ever particularly enjoyed, it was a necessary evil that I just dealt with every now and then.  When I lost my excess weight 10 years ago, I really focused after that on maintaining that weight loss, I eat healthy, mostly whole foods, rarely, if ever, anything processed and I have never been someone to enjoy fast food.  So I have taken care of myself and maintained my weight.  Just before I started this new journey I noticed some shifting in my weight and calorie requirements and knew it was time to kick thing up a notch and that is exactly what I have done.

Over the last several weeks though I have been focused on using the Herbalife24FIT DVD’s and I must say I have really enjoyed it.  I actually look forward to the workouts and get slightly annoyed when my day doesn’t go quite as planned.  The difference I see in myself in the first phase is remarkable, I am so happy that I took the pictures so I could actually see the difference.  I dare say I am a little proud of myself for sticking with it too.  I don’t know if I can post pictures on here, but if so I will.

Now a little about the DVD’s – They are broken up into 3 phases and each phase is 8 weeks long.  The first phase is all about stability and I definitely noticed a difference between week 1 and 8.  Week 1, I am pretty sure I fell over I know I was very wobbly. I am now entering phase 2 which is strength and a whole new ball game.  I am definitely being pushed, it’s more difficult, but I am staying with it.  I will be taking new pictures on Monday which is something I have been trying to every other week.  The pictures are actually helping me to push forward.  I can physically see the difference in them.   I don’t really see much when I look in the mirror every day. 

I had a customer walk in on Wednesday and say “hey where’d you get the butt?”  I have to admit, it felt good to have someone notice that didn’t know I had changed anything in my routine.  

My next challenge – STAY OFF THE SCALE.  That has been a daily struggle for me lately to the point of obsession, so this week I stayed off as much as possible.  I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin, something I have never felt.  I want things to not jiggle and I want to defy gravity, even if it’s just a little bit.  Is that too much to ask?

Where to begin

I don't even know where to begin, not only with this blog, but at times in my daily life too.  SOOO I guess I will just dive in.  By the way, this is a HUGE step out of my comfort zone.

I have been married to my husband for 12 years, we dated for 5 years prior to that.  We have had our ups and our downs, but at the end of the day - he's my lobster.  One of our biggest "secrets" to success? Respect.

 

I am a mom of 2 boys, 25 and 19.  Xanthin is my bonus boy who has been a part of my life since he was just 2.  He's currently stationed in Colorado Springs with the US Army and unique.  Michael my youngest is a mini-me, his thoughts, his reactions, his looks, it's incredible.  The second he was born I was filled with a greater love than I ever knew possible.

I have no idea why I feel the need to write right now, I am an extremely private person regarding my thoughts and especially my feelings.  The thought of being hurt is overwhelming at times and so instead I retreat.  I have overcome A LOT in my lifetime, more than any one person actually knows or probably ever will. Right now I feel like putting that to the side.  You will probably see a lot of grammatical errors as this is my weakest link, so please over look them. 

I am an accountant by trade, but left the field when I was laid off a few years ago.  While I love numbers and spreadsheets, I love giving and caring more.  Not much love in taxes.  I enjoy taking care of people, have a soft spot for older people and I am the "mother hen" when I go out with friends, which is not often.  I am generally the last to leave a situation and just feel the need to make sure everyone is okay. 

Now my career is as a wellness coach and I am privileged in that I get to be a part of changing lives every day.  I feel that this is what I was meant to do with my life, help facilitate change, care and give all that I can.  Whether that is with their weight, their health, their fitness, their lifestyle, their income, their giving, their faith, their living…  Balance is my struggle, daily.

Some of my new goals.

• Get serious about exercise.  It's not something I have loved to do in the last several years, but at one time in my life I did. 
• Get into the outdoors more, I retreated indoors years ago and stopped spending time outside.  I burn easily in the summer and my extremities go numb quickly in the cold.  I am ready for new challenges and embracing the outdoors again.  I just wish I would have about 10 or 15 years ago instead of now. 
• Build better relationships. I am so afraid of being hurt, I don't let people get too close, at times that includes my husband, my kids, my family and my friends.

     As for anything else, I guess we'll learn over time.  Tomorrow I begin with exercise.