Isn't it funny, we are in such a hurry that we don't stop and listen. Instead we label. I have been told I am quiet and reserved, which I am for the most part, I
will not deny it. I am also told variations like, I am standoffish, I
don't argue enough, I don't fight for myself, I don't talk enough, and
my personal favorite, I'm bitter.
Standoffish? Ehh, I don't really agree, I am told it is because I keep to myself. "They" are right in some cases, I rarely argue
and those few times I might argue is when I am pushed A LOT and
emotions are high. I don't fight, it isn't necessary and accomplishes
nothing in the heat of the moment. I am never bitter, I let things go
quickly, forgive often and try to forget and there are reasons and I
really don't talk a lot.
One of the greatest compliments I ever received from my son, Michael, he
didn't even mean it as a compliment, but that is how I took it. It was
something he said in a conversation we were having about tempers. I
told him he gets his honestly from his dad and I that we both have
fierce tempers and it is something he will have to learn to control or
it will control him. He said "What are you talking about, you don't
have a temper." I let him know that actually I do and I have worked hard
since
his dad and I divorced to keep it controlled. I am glad to know that my
son doesn't know my temper. My other son, Xanthin, doesn't even
remember the one time I lost my temper with him, he was an adult by that
time and I am happy for it.
Now, here is what is really going on, I observe, I listen, I try to not
interrupt with my own idea, story, accolade or solution. I listen. Sometimes it is to both sides of
situations and if needed, once everyone is done, I speak and give my thoughts. Mostly though, I listen - sometimes people just need a sounding board, a person to listen to their own thought process, someone they know will not judge and someone who isn't going to interrupt. I have also learned and really do
try to stick to the adage, "If it is not necessary to say, it is necessary
not to say". I do this in both my personal and professional life.
If you know me at all, you know I observe everything before I speak.
If
you truly know me, who I am and what I believe, you know that I forgive
quickly and move on. There isn't a reason to hold grudges, there isn't
a reason to let someone else control your emotions and hold you hostage
to those feelings.
I don't share much of my person life with anyone, a learned skill from
years of judgement, so I just keep to myself and my God. I have a
couple of trusted friends who know a little about me, those are few and
far between. Mostly, I just listen.
Finally to my point - Take the time to get to know people, to understand
them, to understand their situation, what their need is or what they
offering BEFORE offering your solution, your advice or your comments.
Learning to TRULY listen is a skill, it is something I have worked
diligently at for years, I can only pray I have succeeded in some manner
and will continue to refine. Listening, to me, is one of the first
skills necessary in serving. I am reminded of it often and in all areas
of life, as I encountered a customer service rep yesterday, with
friends, family, clients and as I read this morning. Take some time and
listen, it is amazing what you will learn about people and what they
are truly about.
